“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.”
Trials are sure to come and there’s no way of escaping them. There are seasons in life when it seems like hard times just seem to come back to back. Whether it’s a death, loss of a job, or a broken family, everyone has experienced lost. Paul teaches us that trials come to make us strong and to teach us patience. When I reflect on some of the tougher times I’ve experienced, at times it seemed like I would never see good times again. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, especially in the midst of your storm. Its particularly hard to recognize the lesson to be learnedwhen everything seems to hit you all at once.
2012 through 2014 was one two of the hardest years for me. In 2012, a few weeks before my birthday, I lost my paternal grandmother. Then, in 2013 I lost my Granny, my maternal great-grandmother. In 2014, shortly after getting married, I learned that a loved one was diagnosed with cancer. It seemed like there was nothing but bad news, after bad news. I had never experienced death and pain like this before. My Granny had some health complications, butI remember praying and asking God not to take her until after my wedding. My husband proposed to me on July 20, 2013, and we were planning to get married the following year. So when my grandmother died – just four months later – I was devastated, confused, angry and heartbroken. I spent the next several months asking God why: why me and why now.
In my quest for answers about why God had allowed these things to happen, I discovered more about Him than I had ever known. Growing up in church I was familiar with all of the scriptures on faith and the religious cliché’s. But I didn’t know these things to be true for me and my life. I knew God was a healer, but I never had to exercise my faith that He could heal cancer until it affected someone very close to me. I knew that God was a comforter, but I had never lost anyone so close to me that I needed to be comforted. So while I knew about faith and God, much of what I knew was not because of my own personal journey with God. In my grief, however, I came to know God in ways that I never knew possible.
The grief I felt after losing both of my grandmothers left me wondering if I would ever be happy or optimistic about life again. Both of my grandmothers were blessed to live full, long lives. But no matter how old they were I would have never truly been
“prepared” to live life without being able to call them or hug them. Even worse, their deaths were before important dates to me: my birthday and wedding. The lack of understanding and explanation as to why God allowed these things to happen when they did literally almost drove me crazy.
“The more I declared the goodness and faithfulness of God in my situation, the more I felt my faith rising.”
After months of crying and questioning God, I finally got to a place where I stopped asking questions and I just listened. In my silence, God was able to speak to my heart and begin to heal those grief stricken places. The more I focused on WHO God was instead of debating His decisions, I accepted that I might never know why. But even still, God is a good father and He cannot make mistakes. I had to accept that God’s goodness doesn’t depend on what is happening in my life, He is good in spite of what happens in my life.
The more I declared the goodness and faithfulness of God in my situation, the more I felt my faith rising. I started to see how the death of my grandmothers brought unity and healing in our family in ways that we didn’t think was possible. In the end, their death brought life. My loved one was healed of cancer and I now know for myself that God is a healer! I found myself saying, “ok God, you know more than me!” While I still don’t have all the answers, it is well with my soul.
Horatio Spafford wrote the beautiful hymn, “It is Well,” after experiencing death and financial lost. Spafford’s son and four daughters died and he lost a significant investment, which ruined him financially. Yet, he was able to write “It is well with my soul.” How?!?!?!
“No matter what comes, I choose to respond by trusting God”
I imagine that Spafford had a history with God. I imagine that he knew God was good in spite of the things that happened in his life. I imagine that he knew no matter what life threw at him, God was able to bring him through every situation and it would all work together for his good.
We are not immune from tragedy, but what matters most is how we respond. Will we respond by cursing God and questioning His ways? Or will we respond in faith? I’m sure that there will be other times in my life where my faith is tested just as it was a few years ago. But one thing is for sure, my faith is stronger. No matter what comes, I choose to respond by trusting God. It is, indeed, well with my soul.