With Mother’s and Father’s Day approaching, I got to thinking about what it means to honor our parents. I love coming up with new ways to honor and recognize my parents during these months. In the past I’ve taken the time to pen a heartfelt letter or I’ll give them a memorable keepsake. I recognize, however, that for many it may be difficult during these months especially if your relationship with your parents has been challenged. When there are unresolved issues or past hurts, it can be tough to honor them in spite of these difficulties. I don’t want to minimize those pains as I know they can be very real. But even in challenging moments and times of disagreement, we can still give to whom honor is due.
As we grow into adulthood, the dynamics of our relationship with our parents become even more complex. We’re all constantly changing and our relationships are bound to change as well. Even though you may be married, with a career and children, your parents will still see you as their child. No matter how independent you are, most parents will still offer unsolicited advice or suggest what course of action “they think” you should take.
I remember when I decided to move to California. It was a major decision. I quit my job, sold all my belongings and relocated across country without any family. My mother was not in agreement with my decision. And as most moms do, she asked a lot of questions, many of which I did not have the answer to. Nonetheless, my mind was set. I was moving. Even though we disagreed about the path I chose, I still tried to honor the fact that she was my mother. That meant listening to her, validating her concerns and recognizing that her feelings were important to me. It didn’t mean that I was going to change my mind. But even in our moment of disagreement there was an opportunity for me to still give honor to her as my mother.
“There are always opportunities to honor our parents, even in moments of disagreement.”
Often times we mistakenly believe we can only honor those whom we either admire or respect. But the truth is, there are always opportunities to give honor to others. Regardless of the condition of your relationship with your parents, the fact is you’re here because of them. God instructs us to honor our father and mother so that our days may be long. (Exodus 20:12). As a child, I use to think this scripture meant that each time I disobeyed my mom I was shaving a year off my life, lol! Now that I have an understanding of God’s word, I no longer think this way. (Thank God!) But ultimately what I believe God wanted us to take away from this scripture is that honoring our parents in all situations is necessary to our overall well-being. Think about it. How you interact with your parents influences every other relationship you have. When you learn how to manage the conflict that is sure to arise between you and your parents, and still maintain a level of honor for them, the more successful you will be in other relationships.
“Honor is simply recognizing what the other person has given.”
During these next couple of months, look for ways to honor your parents even if you don’t have the best relationship. Giving honor to others demonstrates a level of maturity on your part and in many instances, softens the other person to hear your position. Remember, honor is simply recognizing what the other person has given. Even though you may not always agree, one thing you can agree on is your parents are the reason you’re here. The gift of life is always something to be grateful for and worth honoring.